Corpse Bride

Zell: Now that you're in film school you should be able to give a pretty awesome analysis of these movies, right?

Emi: Uh...okay.

(There is a sudden rustle in the woods behind them. A figure leaps out from a bush, arms pointed toward the sky.)

Random Film Student: A CLOCKWORK ORANGE!!!! *explodes*

(There is a long period of stunned silence, Zell staring unmovingly at the site of the explosion and Emi looking blankly offscreen. Zell slowly turns back around.)

Zell: ...You get that a lot?

Emi: Yes.

Zell: Poor you.

Emi: Now that that's out of the way, let us discuss the glory that is Tim Burton's Corpse Bride.

Zell: Oh let's.

Emi: The story of Corpse Bride was inspired by a Russian folk tale. I suggest everyone look up the original as it was inspired by actual events - namely the oppression of the Jews - and therefore a pretty interesting read. While the movie doesn't delve too deeply into anything overly disturbing - it's rated PG, after all - it is still quite dark and I found it enjoyably depressing.

Zell: Why does every movie depress you?

Emi: It's a movie about a murdered bride. How horrible is that?

Zell: Now that you mention it...that is what it was about.

Emi: The animation was excellent, as always. Who can resist a little Johnny Depp doll running around on screen?

Zell: I believe the word you're looking for is "action figure."

Emi: I really have no clue what they're called. Maybe puppets. Or something. If anyone knows, please -

Random Film Student #2: DONNIE DARKO!!!! *explodes*

Emi: Geez, again?!?

Zell: That was an even better explosion than last time! Wow, look at all the organs!

Zell: ......

Zell: Eww!! That's disgusting! Someone clean this up!!

Emi: *sigh*

Emi: Anyway... Corpse Bride naturally gets compared to The Nightmare Before Christmas for the mere fact that they both use stop-animation. Danny Elfman returns to work on Corpse, but I can't say I enjoyed this score as much as I did Nightmare's. Still, there are some good songs, but none quite as catchy as "Sandy Claws" or "This is Halloween."

Emi: Also, unlike Nightmare, the character designs are not half as frightening or disgusting. There is still a ton of detail though, and everything is extraordinary to watch. And that is why I heart this movie.

Zell: I can't believe you just said heart.

Emi: It's my new bad habit. I've probably said it at least seven -

Random Film Student #3: SEVEN SAMUR..!

Emi: Shut up!! Go away!

(The Film Student pauses, shocked at the outburst. Emi gives him a menacing glare.)

Random Film Student #3: ......

Emi: ......

Random Film Student #3: My favorite director is the Czechoslovakian prodigy, Herbert...just Herbert, like Madonna - who wrote, directed, and starred in the 1923 expressionist film Meine Ratte ist -

Emi: Out, out, OUT!

(Emi springs from her chair and makes a beeline for the Film Student, who is still talking. The camera pans to focus on Zell and block out what is happening in the background.)

Zell: Erm. I think that's the end of the review.

*BAM!*

Zell: ......

Zell: I just realized I'm not getting paid for this.